Last week was my little girl’s first birthday- a very bittersweet moment for a new mom (any mom) …especially for this new mom. Months leading up to the big day, sadness would take over of the thought that my baby is growing up and then, like a light switch, my feelings would switch to excitement and anticipation about planning her birthday party…a roller coaster of emotions. It’s actually pretty surreal when you think about it. In one year, my life has changed so much…I have changed. A year ago, this little being came into this world. A helpless stranger who’s main comfort is mom. Yet this thing doesn’t even know mom, just a familiar voice and probably a subconscious sense of connection. For me it was instant responsibility. Her life depended on me caring for her- food, warmth and security…everything. Boy did reality really hit hard. Not that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into… but I didn’t realize how quickly and fast everything would happen.
Throughout the year, my little girl and I figured things out. I learned how she communicated and she learned about life and her world. I learned how to be a mom and she learned how to be a baby. (Although I think there was way more learning on my end then hers in that area!) Through that time, the one thing I didn’t need to learn was how to fall in love with her and what true love really is. To be honest, it didn’t happen the minute she was born, but started developing the more we spent time together. Now, one year later, I can’t even begin to explain how much that little girl means to me. Growing up, my dad used the term “priceless” about how he felt about me. What a perfect term…something so special, so amazing, you can’t put a price on it. That’s how I feel about my little girl…she’s priceless.
This year has brought many growing pains and many good times, and the two just seem to ebb and flow with the ticking of time. But the one thing that never seemed to cede is my worrying. Right from the start it was, “is she breathing”, “why is she crying…hurt, sick, hungry?”…then it was baby proofing the house, starting solids with the fear of choking, “is she developing at the right rate?”, now she’s walking, loves strangers… “what school will she attend…private or public?”…omg…HIGHSCHOOL!!!! (at the thought of high school I cringe and shiver and just pray we both will get through that experience!)
But through all that worrying and anxiety here we are. Made it one whole year… without any sickness, injuries, accidents or kidnapping (and trust me, I worry about kidnapping every single day…even when the house alarm is on!) But here we were celebrating one year…my little girl’s First birthday. For that small moment in time, I was able to take a deep breath and enjoy this precious gift… one year of life with my daughter. In that moment, I watched her smash her first birthday cake, eat cake for the first time, laugh, play, and watch all our friends and family enjoy each other. In that small moment, I thanked god that she was healthy and happy. It’s these small brief moments that make life so much worth living. It’s amazing how through the chaos in life we cling on to those small moments and cherish them, for these moments are priceless too.
Now that the celebrating is over life continues to move on. My worrying starts again. I still have some of the same worries, but after talking with some parents, I now have new worries! My mom and dad always say, “you never stop worrying”. After having my own child, I now believe them and know what they meant. Its true, you never stop. Even when she’s tucked into bed those horrible thoughts cross my mind… and if you’re like me, one year later, you’re still rushing to her room in the middle of the night to check if she’s breathing! But I also know I’m not alone. It goes with the prestigious title of “mom” or “dad”. Some moms and dads have much more to worry about and some never get the chance to worry (the thought of that makes my stomach ill). So as I continue my worrying I have to take comfort in that fact I have my little one to worry. It may sound kind of funny, but the biggest gift a mom or dad could receive is the gift of always having the opportunity to worry about your child.
So here we begin our new adventure as a One Year Old…like all parents, what it has in store for us, I have no idea. All I can do is love her, worry about here, do my best with her, learn from my mistakes and remind myself of those special moments with her.
With love comes much responsibility as well as many rewards.
I hope, today, you have love in your heart and many special moments to hold on to.
In Love, Laughter and Life
MOM
No comments:
Post a Comment