Reading...those precious moments.

So just to give a heads up, in this entry I’m changing gears a bit. I’m still writing as mom, but the teacher in me is making an appearance. Recently, a girlfriend of mine was telling me how she and her husband are really bad at reading to their child. She felt like the way she read was “boring” and her little boy was bored. She pretty much wrote off the idea of reading to her child. She did mention how great her babysitter reads and so she just lets her read. But that’s kinda sad…missing out on those precious moments. This got me to thinking about parents and reading and how important it is for parents to read to their children, right from the start.

Reading to your child has so many wonderful benefits. Reading helps children to learn the concept of reading from left to right, how to turn a page, and how to hold a book. Reading also is a great way to bond with your child (children). It’s that 10 or so minutes (sometimes less) a day where your little one curls up on your lap and is your captive audience. As your child gets older, reading becomes a great way to experience new things. Talking with your child about the books they read leads to conversations, which lead to asking questions, which leads to motivation to gain more knowledge. Just by reading with your child you are exposing them to new vocabulary, which they need in order to learn to read. Most 2 year olds have vocabularies of 300 to 500 words and most children enter school knowing between 3,000 and 5,000 words. Reading to children is especially important in building a larger vocabulary because children hear more new words that they perhaps may not be used in everyday conversations. For example, how often do you say “slumbering, snoozing or dozing” in everyday conversation? Not very often. But read The Napping House, by Audrey Wood and those words pop out of every page.

As a teacher I read every day, many times a day to my kids and loved every minute of it. (I’m thinking that was the performer in me coming out). As a mom, I read every day many many times a day to my daughter (many times it’s the same book over and over). But for those who aren’t comfortable “performing” or who deem themselves “not creative” or are “boring readers” when it comes to reading stories aloud, may have insecurities about reading aloud, especially as their child develops and becomes more interactive. So I thought, why not share some “tips” on reading aloud to your child and things that have helped me become a stronger reader to children.

First and foremost, reading should be fun. And when reading to your baby/toddler, “fun” should be the key emphasis. If you’re having fun your child will be having fun. You not only want your child to develop vocabulary but also want them to enjoy books and feel comfortable with them. The worst thing a teacher can experience is to see a 1st grader become anxious and cringe when reading time begins. How can a child learn to read and comprehend when they have so much anxiety and angst about reading? So for a parent who wants a more fulfilled relationship with books and their child, they’re main goal should be to just have fun with books.

That brings me to book basics. There are two main reasons for reading: entertainment or gain information (sometimes they overlap). When trying to establish a healthy relationship with books try focusing on the first, entertainment. Not only will your child learn to associate mommy/daddy with books and fun but your child will grow up to enjoy the reading experience a lot more. They will also associate learning with fun and not two separate things. After all, much learning is done through play, investigating and experimenting, which continue all throughout life (but that’s a whole other topic in itself).

Now that we have developed some background knowledge, lets move on to the next step: how do I read to my child and not sound “silly” or “boring”?  Here are some ways to help you overcome your own insecurities about reading aloud or help you become a more creative reader for your child/children:

1. The only critic is you, NOT YOUR CHILD! First know that your child is not going to sit there listening to you and criticize your reading. All he/she will be doing is sitting with you enjoying a book and hopefully having fun seeing you have fun with a book. So any hang-ups you have about how you read needs to be pushed aside. Remember, you’re not reading to a room full of strangers and critics… your reading to your child.
2. Choose a book you’re comfortable with. When you’re first trying to read with emotion, inflection, etc. choose a book you’ve read before and enjoy. Something short and familiar. Something that you know you will have success with. Once you’ve conquered that book, move on to other books. Soon you will have many books you can read aloud and “perform” in your repertoire.
3. Mood. The easiest way to “perform” when reading aloud is to find the mood of the book. Is it a book with surprises (Karen Katz flap books), quiet and soft (Good Night Moon), or silly (Sandra Boynton books)? Once you know the mood of the book just adjust your voice to that mood. For example, when reading Good Night Moon, I use a quiet voice. I may slow down my pace as the book is “winding” down. If I’m reading Where’s Baby’s Mommy, by Karen Katz, each time I open the flap at the end when the baby finds mommy, I may use a surprise voice or just raise my voice a bit when opening the flap. In the middle when the baby is trying to find mommy, I may use a more “teasing” tone and take pauses, “no….that’s my teddy bear”, etc.  You can even show the emotion on your face…for example, if I’m opening the flap where the baby finds mommy I may show excitement/awe etc. on my face. None the less… smile.
4. Rhythm. Many children’s books have a rhythm to them, especially nursery rhymes. Some rhymes/rhythms may be familiar to you and you can easily fall into the sing-songy rhythm when reading. Sometimes when reading a children’s book, you find your own rhythm and feel for the book. Any rhythm you create is absolutely fine and helps bring the book to life. It also helps teach your child that there isn’t one way to read a story.
5. Play around. If all else, just play around with books and stories. Read parts fast, slow. Maybe act out parts of the story. Like jump when the character jumps. If the book has animals, maybe grab stuffed/toy animals that are the same in the book and use them as props.  Always keep in mind tip #1- The only critic is you, NOT YOUR CHILD!

Now remember, the first few times you try something, it may not work. You may be super excited to read a book to your toddler and all of a sudden they slam the book shut. (oh yeah…that happens quite a lot in our house!) Just pick up another book and try your book again later. Most of the time a child closes a book b/c they don’t want that one. But if you offer another choice it often works. Also, if your child has a favorite book, try practicing different ways to read that book. The more you play around with the text the more your child will learn to do the same.

Some of my favorite childhood memories are of my mom reading to me…the Berenstain Bears books. (I think she probably had those memorized we loved them so much.) My mom wasn’t the reader that used funny voices or played around with the stories. She read the books as their mood indicated, sometimes sang them and we always talked about them. Maybe it was her soothing tone but her reading always captivated my brother and me. (And considering we were either always fighting or goofing around that is saying something!)

So after reading this, I hope you take a way the idea that every time you read to your child you’re building a memory. You’re creating that special place in your child’s heart that will always stay with them. Maybe you don’t consider yourself a good reader. But I will bet you anything; you are the best reader in the world to your child. And if you are having fun with reading and bringing that story to life, that read aloud moment could beat out any cartoon, movie, kid show any day. You are your child’s favorite character. The more you have fun with that and yourself the more your child will.

In love, laughter and life

MOM

The First Birthday

Last week was my little girl’s first birthday- a very bittersweet moment for a new mom (any mom) …especially for this new mom. Months leading up to the big day, sadness would take over of the thought that my baby is growing up and then, like a light switch, my feelings would switch to excitement and anticipation about planning her birthday party…a roller coaster of emotions. It’s actually pretty surreal when you think about it. In one year, my life has changed so much…I have changed. A year ago, this little being came into this world. A helpless stranger who’s main comfort is mom. Yet this thing doesn’t even know mom, just a familiar voice and probably a subconscious sense of connection. For me it was instant responsibility. Her life depended on me caring for her- food, warmth and security…everything. Boy did reality really hit hard. Not that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into… but I didn’t realize how quickly and fast everything would happen.

Throughout the year, my little girl and I figured things out. I learned how she communicated and she learned about life and her world. I learned how to be a mom and she learned how to be a baby. (Although I think there was way more learning on my end then hers in that area!) Through that time, the one thing I didn’t need to learn was how to fall in love with her and what true love really is. To be honest, it didn’t happen the minute she was born, but started developing the more we spent time together. Now, one year later, I can’t even begin to explain how much that little girl means to me. Growing up, my dad used the term “priceless” about how he felt about me. What a perfect term…something so special, so amazing, you can’t put a price on it. That’s how I feel about my little girl…she’s priceless.

This year has brought many growing pains and many good times, and the two just seem to ebb and flow with the ticking of time. But the one thing that never seemed to cede is my worrying. Right from the start it was, “is she breathing”, “why is she crying…hurt, sick, hungry?”…then it was baby proofing the house, starting solids with the fear of choking, “is she developing at the right rate?”, now she’s walking, loves strangers… “what school will she attend…private or public?”…omg…HIGHSCHOOL!!!! (at the thought of high school I cringe and shiver and just pray we both will get through that experience!)

But through all that worrying and anxiety here we are. Made it one whole year… without any sickness, injuries, accidents or kidnapping (and trust me, I worry about kidnapping every single day…even when the house alarm is on!) But here we were celebrating one year…my little girl’s First birthday. For that small moment in time, I was able to take a deep breath and enjoy this precious gift… one year of life with my daughter. In that moment, I watched her smash her first birthday cake, eat cake for the first time, laugh, play, and watch all our friends and family enjoy each other. In that small moment, I thanked god that she was healthy and happy. It’s these small brief moments that make life so much worth living. It’s amazing how through the chaos in life we cling on to those small moments and cherish them, for these moments are priceless too. 

Now that the celebrating is over life continues to move on. My worrying starts again. I still have some of the same worries, but after talking with some parents, I now have new worries! My mom and dad always say, “you never stop worrying”. After having my own child, I now believe them and know what they meant. Its true, you never stop. Even when she’s tucked into bed those horrible thoughts cross my mind… and if you’re like me, one year later, you’re still rushing to her room in the middle of the night to check if she’s breathing! But I also know I’m not alone. It goes with the prestigious title of “mom” or “dad”. Some moms and dads have much more to worry about and some never get the chance to worry (the thought of that makes my stomach ill). So as I continue my worrying I have to take comfort in that fact I have my little one to worry. It may sound kind of funny, but the biggest gift a mom or dad could receive is the gift of always having the opportunity to worry about your child.

So here we begin our new adventure as a One Year Old…like all parents, what it has in store for us, I have no idea. All I can do is love her, worry about here, do my best with her, learn from my mistakes and remind myself of those special moments with her.

With love comes much responsibility as well as many rewards.

I hope, today, you have love in your heart and many special moments to hold on to.

In Love, Laughter and Life

MOM

Schedules

Ask a stay at home mom what her work hours are and you may receive a very odd look. Work hours? There is no time clock here. Its 24/7… all day every day. There are no pay raises, bonuses, or vacation time. Conferences usually occur during a play date or child class. Phone calls happen on your breaks (when its nap time or the child is occupied with something else). It’s a pretty lonely job (especially when your child can’t talk yet). Some moms do extremely well, at staying at home. They balance their life and find help when they need it. Others have difficulty with the transition and feel a sense of being trapped. Then there are all the moms that fall in-between and throughout the spectrum.

I have friends (including myself) that once that baby got home, the day became a free for all. The only schedule was when the baby eats and sleeps (and for some that takes months to develop). It makes for long days and nights and a sense of feeling out of control. At least that is how I felt at first. If it wasn’t for my mom making me get of the house 2 weeks after the baby was born, I probably wouldn’t even had a concept of night and day. Although I felt like things were upside down, I was fortunate when Aislin was born. During my pregnancy, I had started a group of mom’s who were pregnant and we made it a point to get together after the babies were born. I also took classes right away to get me out of the house and have at least some sort of thing planned for the week. I even began to plan my Starbuck’s outing. Everyday I “scheduled” what time I was going to be ready to get out of the house just to take a walk to Starbucks or grab lunch (even if by myself). That outing was so sacred and important to me.

Talking with other mom’s I learned I wasn’t alone. Many felt the same way. In fact, many moms would still be in their pajamas when their husbands got home! This got me to thinking about schedules and how important they are in our own lives. The fact you write something down in a planner or calendar, all of a sudden makes it “official” and the feeling that it has to be met.

As Aislin gets older (about to turn one!) our days are quickly filled up with many tasks, classes, etc. But I find myself starting to schedule other thing that I never imagined. I wrote before about finding time for the little things (AKA our kids) and how the mundane life things often interfere with us enjoying our children. Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but I found that if I set a routine/schedule of playtime with my child I not only have quality one on one time with her, but I also feel I get more done. For example: I know first thing in the morning, she likes to have her bottle with mommy and wants me to play with her. Then we eat breakfast. After breakfast she often likes to play by herself before her nap. So during the mommy and baby play time I plan an activity. Like reading, practicing walking, chasing games, etc… During the time when she is occupied playing on her own, I clean up, do laundry, or whatever else that needs to be done.  I do the same in the afternoon, when I know, routinely, that she will want mommy play time and just plan an activity that we will do together. I schedule one "task" to accomplish during a nap time, like... start organizing photos, clean the bathrooms, start my blog, or even sit down and write a list of all the things I want to do. Anything else that gets done on top of my scheduled tasks is icing on the cake! I do keep in mind though, that children are often unpredictable and even though I have a routine/schedule it could quickly get redrafted or just go out the window!

For the most part, this “schedule” not only helps me get through the day, but also helps me not get stuck in a rut. It allows me to try a new activity with her or inspires me to find new activities for us to do. But mostly, it gives me a sense of control in my day. As all mom’s know, staying at home with a child is a surprise party in itself… you never know what you will find when you open their door in the morning. It can either be a great fun party or the complete opposite. And since we can’t call in sick, we just have to figure out a way to work with it.

Staying at home with a baby or babies is a full time job and like any other job, there are goals and tasks that must be met. Whether your goal is to just make it out of the house or to schedule 20 minutes of reading with your child, writing it down and making a schedule will help. Just remember to write in pencil, because that plan may and can quickly change!

I hope today you find time to enjoy your child/children and find time for yourself. Maybe schedule in a coffee break right before picking up your kid(s) from school, or if you’re like me… go through the drive-thru

In love, laughter and life,

Mom