Body Image

A few weeks ago I was thumbing through a local magazine enjoying my few minutes of peace. I’m not exaggerating when I say, that every other page was plastic surgery advertisements. I’m pretty used to seeing it out here… plastic surgery advertisements everywhere plus all you have to do is walk around Scottsdale and you run into fake boobs, taught faces, big lips… and those are the bad jobs! But what struck a nerve with me was when I turned the page to find an advertisement for a “mommy make over”. This advertisement stated, pamper yourself you deserve it… tummy tuck, liposuction, breast augmentation, breast lifts, thigh tucks, etc… My jaw dropped. This is what a “mommy make over” is now? What happened to the day at the spa, haircut and facial?

Now having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and being a new mom I know the body changes. Things grow big, they may shrink, move around, shift, skin gets stretched and doesn’t bounce back right away, but that’s part of the package, right? I also now that time heals most…so yeah, my stomach skin is a bit loose still (after 10 months) and I still have that lovely brown stripe down my stomach, but given time it will return to a somewhat normal state. My boobs,…well, I started with nothing and am left with nothing…what’s new?! I’m okay with the changes…I’m okay with they way my body responded to having a baby. I’m okay with the wrinkles that are appearing. In my mind, each wrinkle is a piece of my history…a remnant of a laugh, smile, cry… its who I am. So with that said, why do I still feel like I should care and feel pressure to have a perfect “you can’t tell I had a baby” appearance?

To be honest I hate it! I hate the pressure to look perfect. I embrace the pressure to be healthy, but not perfect. The odd thing is, we do it to ourselves…every time we thumb through a magazine, watch a TV program, go shopping…most of us are always comparing, evaluating, criticizing ourselves. I’ve been in dressing rooms trying on shirts thinking, “if I only had bigger boobs I could wear this shirt”. The rational side of me kicks in and says, “Why am I telling myself I need to change for a stupid shirt?!”

But what makes me the most angry and heartbroken is when I think about my daughter. The pressures she will face because she is a girl, a woman. How can I raise my daughter to love herself, be good to herself, and be proud of what she was born with if I feel the pressure? I want my daughter to be able to love her curves, or maybe lack of curves, to love her wrinkles, maybe her crooked tooth, or birthmark. I want her to love the art of aging gracefully and embrace the beauty of looking unique. I want her to feel the need to be healthy in her mind, her body, and soul.

What is even more heartbreaking is that there are parents who will purchase boob jobs for Sweet Sixteen gifts, tummy tucks for girls who want to feel “normal”. In 2009 there was a New York Times article (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/fashion/15skin.html) called, “Seeking Self-Esteem Through Surgery”. It was about teenagers and plastic surgery.  In the article it stated that:

“The latest figures from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery show that the number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on youths 18 or younger more than tripled over a 10-year period, to 205,119 in 2007 from 59,890 in 1997. This includes even more controversial procedures: liposuctions rose to 9,295 from 2,504, and breast augmentations increased nearly sixfold, to 7,882 from 1,326. (The latter two procedures have been associated with the deaths of two 18-year-olds: Amy Fledderman of Pennsylvania, who died in 2001 of fat embolism syndrome after undergoing liposuction, and Stephanie Kuleba of Florida, who died last spring from complications because of anesthesia used during a breast augmentation and inverted nipple surgery.) “

Now most of these girls will one day be mothers, who some will have daughters. What will they say to their little girl who hates her body?

The truth is, to each his own. Its their child, they have that right. So does anyone else who wants to change their body. That's not the issue here. The issue is how on earth do I keep my daughter from feeling the pressure to do so? How do I keep her loving her imperfections when other’s around her are “fixing” their imperfections? I do I help her stay happy with herself. Now I do know that if we, as a family, stay strong to our values and communicate, she will be okay. I also know that the majority of teenagers who undergo cosmetic elective plastic surgery have a long life of feeling inadequate and low self esteem and the answer isn’t in the operating room. What I don’t know, is what pressures my daughter will feel and what obstacles she will meet while growing up.

Now I was feeling pretty worked up when I saw the “mommy make over” ad, but I was absolutely furious and felt so very defeated when the news bit on Abercrombie’s push-up padded bikini for 7 year olds came out. I mean come on!!!! What sane person would even think this is a good idea? To be honest, the more I think about it, I want to go to Abrecrombie head quarters and strangle the executives that okayed this design. I also want to murder the PERVERT who designed this bikini for children. Not only does this bikini turn LITTLE GIRLS into sex objects, but what message does it say to them…. Too bad you haven’t reached puberty yet, here put this on so you can pretend you have boobs?! Or… hey, your 7 years old now, so say good bye to being a child and start being a woman… you should probably start taking the pill and get botox to go along with that bikini?!?!? In my mind, it is absolutely inappropriate. Why can't children just be children?

Sadly I don’t have an answer and it is a free country. So I guess people have the right to create inappropriate products or conduct elective plastic surgery on teens if they want to. I just wished our society was a lot stronger than that. After all, if there weren’t people out there buying it, it wouldn’t exist. The ironic thing is that historically woman have been steadfast, strong willed, and have created a lot of change for mankind….women have the power. Yet we are so weak in the one area we have the most power in, beauty.

Perfection and ideals are defined by society. What may be beautiful today, most likely, will not be beautiful tomorrow. So embrace who you are…being human and being yourself will always be beautiful.

In Love, Laughter, and Life

Taking care of mom…

This weekend we had some friends in town. They brought their precious new baby and we were so thrilled to see them. Its hard living in a new state, you really miss the familiar. As new moms do, we talked about our pregnancy, weight gain, delivery, etc…. My friend shared about the changes she had to make during pregnancy, mostly her eating habits and having to give up that yummy glorious wine. All for the better, she admits. This discussion got me to thinking, how we, as mothers care for ourselves. When we’re pregnant, most of us take good care of ourselves. We make sure we get enough nutrition, enough sleep, etc. so our baby will be healthy. After we have the baby we work day and night to ensure our baby still gets the nutrition it needs. But what happens to mom?

I have had friends that, after the baby was born, have starved themselves to lose the baby weight, exercised excessively, gotten back into smoking, lost the desire to work out… the list goes on. Why do we fall back into these habits (or start new ones) after working so hard to be healthy for the last 9-10 months of pregnancy…some even earlier, trying to conceive?

Why is it that we don’t all continue to ensure our own health? I'm sure there are some mom's that do, but I am definitely at fault. I find myself making bad snack choices at times. Starbucks is a daily habit…and sometimes a twice a day habit. I also find myself skipping out on my yoga b/c I’m tired or just have way too much to do (most of the time, both) However, my daughter makes it to swim, music, and her play dates. I make sure my daughter sees her pediatrician regularly and that all is okay. Me…well I finally made a Dr. appointment that was well overdue. And made it because my husband and in-laws talked me into it. Why is it that mom’s (most mom’s ) put themselves last? I’m not talking about finding time for the girl’s or date night, etc.. but finding time to care for our bodies and working to ensure that we are healthy? Lets face it, being a mother is a lifetime sentence, a true gift, but its forever. So shouldn’t we want to make sure that we are able to be here for as long as we can?

Now I know first hand that motherhood is hard. Sleepless nights, ongoing days. Geez, when the kid finally takes a nap, I’m running around trying to clean, cook, get my things done, and get some work done, catch up on emails, write a blog all in an hour or so! Then I have to run errands and make sure my daughter has her playtime…eat...that doesn’t leave much time for me. At times it seems that the more I have to do, the shorter the nap! I can’t even begin to imagine being a single mom and trying to get all this done. At least I have a helpful husband and great in-laws.  But whether its carving out time to plan healthy meals for the week, making that doctor appointment or taking a break and going for a walk with your baby…we have to think about our own health and well being.

Being a mother is tough and the most important job in the world. But if you truly put in the effort the paybacks are infinite, just not always immediate nor obvious! But being a mother also means we need to be there for our children, physically, emotionally, and mentally. But to do that, we must take care of our bodies, mind, and soul. We all need to work on ourselves at one point or another. Whether its eating better, getting rest, more exercise, finding someone to talk to, reconnecting with our husband, reconnecting with our spiritual side etc…its important. It’s important to you, to your family, and to your children’s future.

I have to thank my friend for sharing her experience with me. She seems to be doing an excellent job balancing being a fantastic new mommy and taking care of herself.  I wish her and every mommy out there the strength to keep working on you and your family and being the best you possibly can.

In Love, Laughter and Life.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Ah... St. Patrick's Day! What a festive day for not only adults but children as well. This day truly makes me miss the classroom.  Some years we'd have the Naughty Leprechaun visit...he would leave his mark with sprinkles of green glitter and tossing papers to the floor, turning posters upside down, etc... the kids loved it. Every time we would come back into the classroom they would be eager  to see what the Leprechaun did that time!
One of my favorite St. Patrick's Day activities was when we would write Leprechaun stories. What a chance to really use your imagination! We would take a couple weeks prior to St. Patrick's Day and work on our stories. When they were all finished, the children and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to each story. But those finished products were not easy. I was completely amazed at the lack of imagination the children had. And it wasn't just with one class...it was every class at many different schools. Is it me, or have children lost their creativity and imagination?

I remember as a child writing stories, drawing pictures, playing games all from our imagination. No TV, no video games, no toys that lit up and spoke...just pure raw childhood imagination. As I begin my adventure into motherhood, I can't help but wonder if my little girl will be in touch with her imagination. I will do my part to keep it going, I just hope she has friends that follow in it too!

Today I ask those readers to please comment and post games, projects, etc that your children do that exhibit their imagination! Maybe it will spark some ideas on how to promote more creativity at home or even in the classroom. If anything it will remind me that children still have their imagination and its out there!

I hope today brings celebrations and a bit 'O imagination to your day!

In Love, Laughter and Life~

Mom's Famous Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookies recipe | DrGreene.com

I saw this recipe on Facebook and thought it may be interesting to share! Haven't tried it yet, but looks like it has potential! True nothing beats the real thing...good 'Ole Chocolate Chip Cookie... but for a healthier twist, why not!

Mom's Famous Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookies recipe | DrGreene.com

Laughter

This weekend, my daughter began to really laugh. Like kid laugh! I swear I even saw her eyes weld up with tears she was laughing so hard.  She started to figure out how to tease (give me her pacifier, smile and take it back before I can get it!) That seems to be so very funny to her. She also has started laughing at other things, but I have yet to figure out why she is laughing and what is so funny! Its really fascinating to watch her find humor in things and to learn what she finds funny.

Humor is everywhere. The best comedy is written about life. Look at satire… novels, movies, TV shows, Saturday Night Live. All examples of people taking topical issues &/or follies and finding the humor in them. One thing I learned in my time with Second City, is that humor is life. Try to be funny and it doesn’t work, but if you look at every day life, humor is everywhere. Especially when you’re around children. As Dr. Seuss said,

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities”.

Sounds like my daughter! There is much laughter from silliness, from seeing daddy walk through the door and from our realities! America’s Funniest Home Videos has made a killing televising home movies that make us laugh at other’s realities &/or oopsies. I hate to admit in writing but there are times I have to laugh when my daughter has an oopsie… Like when she gets so excited about something and then loses her balance and just topples over. Obviously I worry about her safety and embrace her with warmth and comfort to ease her pain, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t funny. It is.  I mean the look on her face when she goes from excited to uh oh…I’m about to topple over! It’s pretty funny. I like to say these interactions are a way of teaching us to laugh at ourselves.  I tumble. I have oopsies and when the brief pain subsides, the laughter begins. Because truth be told, I probably looked kinda funny as I missed the stool trying to gracefully sit on it or the look on my face as I knocked my knee on the same corner of the coffee table over and over again knowing the table has been there forever! It’s pretty funny…. So where is the lesson here… maybe the deeper lesson is to learn to differentiate a real oopsie from a funny one. Or that humor is subjective. How do we know when its serious or when it’s a silly folly. When do we know our laughing is hurting someone’s feelings and what do we do with that? What do we do when one person is laughing and the other is crying?

With the emphasis and tragedies that surround the topic of Bullying, I worry. I worry as a mom, I worry as an educator, and I worry as a citizen. What has happened that this has become an epidemic? Where does it start? At home, school, TV? I can have the most loving environment for my child and teach her to be secure and to laugh at herself and not take things so seriously, but that won’t stop someone from tormenting her. That won’t stop someone from hurting her feelings. Truth is, even the strong have feelings and even the strong get hurt. So what can we do? We can talk. We can laugh. We can love. We can try to understand.  But how do I know that will work? What happens when someone laughs at her and not with her?  How do I teach my child to fend for herself, but still keep true to our beliefs as a family?

Fortunately, for me, I have a while before my child has those social interactions that would elicit bullying behavior. But I can’t help but feel that those lessons start now, when they are young. My 10 months old watches and takes notes. What does she notice? What is funny to her and why? When do I draw the line? Do I ever let my child laugh at my follies? Do I also put her in her place when it’s gotten too far? When she’s older do we talk about the world we see? Do we talk about the ugly truth along with the beautiful? How do I react when I have an oopsie? These simple small interactions at home are the building blocks to those interactions on the playground, school bus, and school locker room.

Laughter, a simple emotion, can have so many consequences-good and bad. There may be no real answer. I can try to find the answer and it may work for me maybe you, but not everyone. Then what? We can’t live in a bubble. But we can talk and be honest with each other and ourselves. Maybe we can have fun while doing it. Maybe I can continue to find humor in life and try to teach my daughter to do the same.

Right now my daughter laughs at the silly things in life. It’s innocent, mysterious, playful and oh so very cute! I start to giggle and laugh at her contagious laughter. It reminds me of the last time I truly laughed- about 4 months ago…thanks to my brother. Boy did we laugh. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and my eyes started watering…I laughed so hard that when I finally stopped laughing I couldn’t remember what was so funny.  What a great feeling!

Milton Berle once said, “Laughter is an instant vacation”. Its been awhile…I could use another one….AND its cheap!

I hope today you find freedom in sharing your thoughts and find laughter in your heart.

In Love, Laughter and Life

A new discovery...

So this morning my duaghter found the bidet. As you can see, she was quite interested in it and had to explore. Thankfully no one uses it (one of those random things that came with the house)...but its still rather gross. About a minute after she discovered it, she learned how to turn it on and off. Oh how she enjoyed that! Its amazing how I couldn't figure out how to work it at first and she just figured it out in minutes!

In her world, this "bidet" doesn't have a name nor a use. How innocent and naive. For now, I can close the bathroom door to prevent her from exploring it more. But soon she will discover things that I can't just close a door on. Wonder how that will play out?!

I hope you discover something new today and take a moment to just enjoy.

In Love, Laughter and Life.

Reality Check

I've been wanting to start a blog for a while now. Not that I believe my thoughts are that important to share to the world, but I have that need to share (maybe that's the teacher in me...or why I became a teacher). But, in addition to sharing I also hope that it may help spark discussions and provoke us to think and share more with each other, either on this platform or some how in our own lives. 
So with that, I begin my very first blog.... I do admit, today's blog is a bit depressing, however I promise others won't be... hope you enjoy.

Life has been great, a beautiful perfect 9 month daughter, a wonderful husband, a perfect home, great family...the list goes on. But its amazing how easily we forget what we have and focus on what we don't: I don't have enough clothes, the backyard doesn't look right, there's too much laundrey, I'm fat, too skinny, no boobs, my husband didn't do this, I'm annoyed, don't like my hair, my wrinkles, etc. As we get wrapped up in these thoughts and worry about the superficial, we lose sight of reality. But today I was reminded, again when I heard that friend from high school is losing his battle with cancer. His world here on Earth is ending. His family's world is changing. His two daughter's have to say goodbye to their daddy.

Those thoughts alone stop me in my tracks and think about how fortunate I am to have what I have. It makes me reach out to my daughter and hold her and pray she lives a healthy, happy, and long life. It reminds me to put down my phone and play with her, to smile and appreciate the fact that she wants her mommy. The dishes can wait, the laundry can wait, the text/email/phone conversation can wait. But life can't wait, it doesn't. Each day is a precious gift and should be respected and appreciated. Today I can play with my daughter, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Now I know I sound morbid..but its the ugly reality of life. And I know if I think that way all the time I would be depressed and who knows what else! However, the beauty of life is that its multifaceted. With the bad comes the good. Life does go on and the other part of reality is that all these "superficial" things are a part of our life. And the distraction is good at times. A funny email, a random call from a friend, a new pair of heels you wear out on a date with your husband. These are all fun and important distractions in their own right. Reality is the balance of doing laundry, playing with your kids, hugging your husband, taking care of yourself, working, etc... Reality is these all do need to get done and we have to prioritize. Where my thoughts are leading to is that we sometimes need to shift our prioritize to compromise with others priorities (especially those we care most about). My daughter's priority may be mommy at the same time I need to start making dinner... maybe dinner will be late if I stop, smile, and just hold and play with her for a bit..in the grand scheme of things is that so bad? Sometimes prioritizing isn't much fun... like trying to finish an email while your daughter insists on crawling to that one electrical chord over and over again!

Like now...I still have to change the laundry, clean the kitchen, run errands, and take a shower. I would love to put together a cute outfit but not sure if I will have time nor do I know how much will get done today. The baby just woke up from her nap, she needs to eat, diaper change, and needs to play. However, I managed to find time to post my first blog and put my other tasks aside for a half hour. And it feels good. Now I shift gears back to my daughter. As I carry my little girl from her crib and hold her close, I will take my time and be reminded of my blessings and cherish the here and now. How fortunate am I that I have that problem... prioritizing so I can raise my beautiful daughter!

I hope today you find peace in your heart. Remind yourself of what you have and cherish those in your life as well as yourself. Now I must go change a diaper!

In Love, Laughter, and Love.